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Do you have sisters?

Not the kind that raided your closet growing up but the kind of sisters who support you, celebrate you, and truly want to spend time with you. Those are much harder to come by.

There are tremendous obstacles to finding sister soulmates. With almost all of us having learned the hard way to be guarded, it takes time and patience to uncover someone’s authentic self.

Jealousy and insecurity breed competition where there should be none. This toxic competition leads to cutting other women down, criticizing them behind their backs, and undermining their efforts. Though we accept that obnoxious behavior as commonplace, it erodes trust, fortifies our defensive walls, and puts our dukes up. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

At some point in our lives, we got the message that being loved depended on what we accomplished, how we looked, or what we brought to the table. There’s nothing we covet more. As Meatloaf says, ‘I would do anything for love.’

Finally, we’re all so wounded, our cuts and scars barely scabbed over, we can’t help but bleed all over one another from time to time. When that happens, grace is not always abundant. And trust, which is required in any healthy and connected relationship, is fractured.

There is hope. Building a sisterhood is difficult, but it’s not impossible.

There are women out there who value kindness, practice tolerance and compassion, and extend grace. Those attributes, for me, are the non-negotiables.

A good sense of humor and a supportive mindset come in at a pretty close second. Bonus points if they love books, especially all things romance, and possess a slightly sullied mind.

I have suffered my share of disappointments but I have found wonderful, beautiful, sisters, a few of which I went out for dinner with just last night. I have concluded if we want to find sisters who are kind, compassionate, and extend grace, we must first embrace and practice those things ourselves.

Choose to opt out of toxic competition.

Close our mouths and open our hearts if the little green monster raises its ugly head.

Surround ourselves with women we respect and guard their backs.

Life Meatloaf, we simply have to decide: ‘I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.’